WHITTLE A LITTLE

I'm not sure if my parents even actually knew that we girls had our own jackknifes; even I can't remember where we got them. My guess is that we inherited these "dangerous" weapons from our Vermont male cousins. The same cousin that once whittled an arrow so sleek and fast, that like lightning it shot clear across our town sandpit... and struck me smack in the corner of my eye. I inexplicably survived, but his prized homemade bow did not. He smashed it over his knee mere minutes after the misguided missile hit its unintended target. Inevitably, its fate would have been similar after us six scared cousins (one with a sharpened stick extending off their face) trekked our way back home already knowing that our grand (half-truth) explanation would most probably NOT be believed by my father. One of the few things we were right about as kids.

I never ever remember any of us whittling anything else besides arrows. No whistles, no animal shapes, not even one small carving worthy of sitting on the window sill. The satisfaction and gratification of taking a hand picked rough stick and transforming it a smooth piece of pure art was good enough for us. We probably could have outfitted every student at Hogwarts Scool of Witchcraft and Wizardry with our mystical sharp wands.

Reflecting now, I realize the true skill we were mastering during those whittling sessions, was the art of conversation.  Brilliant insights, teasing banter, heated debates, and boastful achievements flowed effortlessly between us.  Its almost as if those sticks actually were performing magic of their own.

When you whittle, you let your guard down. At first, your concentration is on that which is in front of you. Your hands quickly master the repetitive dance across the stick and then your mind relaxes. Then the words of wisdom start to spill forth from your mouth. OK, often not wisdom. And more often than not, you'll talk about stuff that you won't want to remember past the next day (especially if there's adult beverages around). Another great thing about whittling (especially with kids) is when you have a knife in one hand, and a stick in the other, there's no room for a cell phone. Unless your whittling yourself a selfie stick. We can definitely make an exception for that.

So, let's cover a few basic tips for beginners:

1. Get a pocket knife.  You aren't aiming to create a masterpiece yet, so a basic multi-blade pocket knife is all you need.  Keep the blades sharp and you'll be just fine. You can find a "How to sharpen a knife" video here. There's no need to spend a lot of money on this...Keep an eye out at local tag sales.

2. Find a branch/twig.  You want soft wood, like pine. Later, you can try Balsa or Basswood. Start simple, make an arrow or a drumstick. Once you've mastered that, select thicker branches and carve a utensil set, or at least a knife to impress your friends.

3. Whittle.  Start with the basic sweeping straight rough cut to give your piece a general shape. Keep with the grain. Then progress to the pull and push strokes to detail the piece.  These cuts give you the best control over the knife.  Other types of cuts may come into play and you can learn how to master four basic cuts in this video.


Its that simple. I wish I would've remembered this when my kids stopped being happy to see me volunteering at their school each day, and became secretive and moody prepubescent teens.  Instead of primordial groans with a few "none of your business" comments mixed in, I could have saved myself a whole lot of time and effort. I opted instead for more then a few gray hairs/sleepless nights whilst contemplating the meaning of motherhood.  My now adult kids are lucky I didn't have the thought of whittling up a big ol' paddle stick! I can chuckle at those memories present day.  Or is it that I suspect some day soon enough, they will have offspring of their own?  I'm torn between stockpiling jackknives/twigs or letting them learn parenting on their own... "cue evil laugh".

THE NOT-SO-IMPRACTICAL CAMP COOK

Call it a crime... 

This lifelong camper doesn't think a burnt hot dog (retrieved from the campfire embers) can compare to a decent meal.  Or even a half decent meal.  As a child, I developed a true distaste for hot dogs.  As an adult, I refuse to subject myself to this traditional "gourmet" camp meal.  Don't get me wrong, when a charred demon dog was presented to me by the angelic face of a three year old after finishing an hour long weenie roasting marathon; I wouldn't stammer before exclaiming "Its the best I've ever tasted." Truth is, with years of practice, I could fake a bite better than the rest of 'em.

At some point in my camping career (I call it that because I consider myself a pro now), I vowed never to be subjected to even an inch of a fiery foot long. Flash forward twenty years, and in my own mind, I've perfected the artistry of camp cooking.  Of course, it helps that I no longer have little ones to tend.  It also helps that my other half is smart enough to not complain about camp cuisine;  For he who sits back chilling and relaxing while others bust their hump...well, that would just earn him a "stupid" label, wouldn't it.

After the heydays of my park model existence gave way to tenting it once again, I had no choice but to simplify, reduce, and reinvent the extravagances of camp meals gone by.  So, it became almost a quest to come up with new meal plans for camping out.  Like many campers, our days are filled with activities away from the actual campsite. Unfortunately, wanting to be on the fast track of activities often equals repetitive dining out to save time and effort.  This is simply not an option for large families or budget minded travelers. So start off small and expand your menus. The key to successful meals at camp is off-site preparation, reducing actual cooking time, and eliminating cleanup.  Less packing means less repacking.  Its usually when you are breaking down camp that you realize just how much went unused.  Not that a camp stove isn't convenient, its just that over time we have developed techniques that eliminate the need for it. We try to use the campfire whenever possible (sometimes we use a wire grill over it).

Breakfasts need to be decent, and lunches light. Dinners need to be quick, but filling. Normally, this is hard to accomplish before 9:00pm (when the last of the summer's rays set upon our campsite and everyone hasn't already settled fireside with a beer in hand and no ambition). Try this meal plan the next time you camp!

Its breakfast time!  Wake up and put some water on to boil.  If you don't have a wire grill, place some rocks in the fire pit and balance your pot over the coals. 1-1 1/2 gallons should do. Use to make your coffee with and reserve the rest for "Omelets-in-a-bag".  Our morning coffee consists of a pre-made mixture of instant coffee granules, sugar and powdered creamer.  We keep this in an airtight container with a scoop inside.  2 scoops go in a paper/foam cup.  Add hot water second so no need to stir.  If you prefer cappuccino, try this recipe .  

Drop your pre-made sealed omelet bags into the pot of hot water for about 10-15 minutes.  We use 2 eggs, ham, cheese, onions, peppers and mushrooms. Each person can create their own mixture at home and write their name in the space with permanent marker. Store in cooler until you need. It cooks very quickly once the egg starts to set. You can slide out on paper plate or eat directly out of bag.  Use the leftover hot water for washing up before starting your day.

Lunches usually consists of sandwiches/subs. Make these ahead and wrap in foil.  Add some pretzel sticks and fresh fruit together in a ziploc(w/name).  Store in cooler. Everyone can grab as they get hungry.  Or stock the cooler with pre-made chopped salad and fruit cups.  Need a heartier lunch; add chicken, or a layer of tuna salad.

Supper will be a cinch, if you just take a few minutes before your trip to create foil packet meals.  Spread a generous piece of tin foil out and then layer precooked meat, potatoes or rice, and then a vegetable.  Add a dollop of gravy or creamed soup and seal into a packet.  Try one of these combos:

• Sliced ham, rice and green beans
• Chopped chicken breast, mashed potatoes and corn
• sliced meatloaf, mashed & peas

Freeze ahead and store in cooler.  When ready for dinner, place on grill or towards the outside of fire pit (about 15 minutes).  Open and eat.  Scrunch and dispose. There is no limit to what you can cook in foil pouches.  Use your imagination.  More ideas for foil meals here.

Italian Chicken with marinara, onions and zuchini

Cubed ham, sweet potatoes, pineapple and peppers

Rosemary cubed steak, potatoes and peas

Why spend your supposed "down time" running around the campsite trying to get organized to cook?  Then scrubbing pots and dishes after dark! Do your prep before you go!  Nothing is worse then being on edge, and under pressure, trying to get a decent meal out to your troops. Just try this plan once....you'll never look back.  Who's really happy eating cold Pop Tarts, Lunchables and burnt hot dogs every camping trip?  Not me! ...and probably not you.  So do something about it. 

DEFINING "CAR CAMPING" TO CAMPERS.

Parts of this blog post are taken directly from something that I originally posted on the camping boards over on Reddit.  Often times a contributor offers up a great tip on the boards and is met with negative remarks or down votes; not because its bad advice, but simply because it doesn't fall exactly into what someone else deems their ideal version of "camping". 

Why do people take the term " Car Camping" so literally?

When someone hears the term "car camping", they might envision a couple of 20-something adventurists throwing some stuff in a vehicle and hitting the road for a spur of the moment road trip.  My close-to-50 year old version of that...throwing my sleeping bag into the back of my jeep, backing it up to a campfire at my $20 campsite and falling asleep; then stopping at McDonald's for breakfast (then stopping back for a $1 menu lunch & dinner) whilst enjoying the RI beaches. Some people might diagnose people like this with " Not spending $100 on a hotel room just to sleep" syndrome.  Well, I guess I got the sickness...and it's contagious! So, if you often find yourself extreme minimalist car camping, please know you aren't alone. There are thousands of other people out there willingly deemed "insane".  To newbies, I invite you to voluntarily commit yourself to the funny farm....its a sometimes-safe haven where the greatest memories are created. 

For the record...Hotel management does not appreciate guests burning the phone book in the bathtub to roast weenies and marshmallows. Go figure.

Now, lets focus on what the general camping community might define as "car camping".

"Car camping" I believe, (and wiki agrees) that Caravanning, RV camping, tenting, truck camping, motorcycle camping ... it goes by many names, and the experience varies widely, normally involves the use of motor vehicles to get to a campsite.

Unlike "walk in", "backpacking" or "minimalist" camping (well respected breeds onto themselves) who accept/love the challenge of journeying into the wilderness carrying supplies and equipment while testing their own abilities, survival skills and techniques. Car camping allows you to bring more equipment, more food...and plenty of stuff you'll probably never need/use. The focus is on enjoying the campsite/campground experience while partaking in things like group cook-outs, short day hikes, and other outdoor activities. Cyclists and kayakers fall into a gray area depending if they travel with a tow-able.  

Car camping might be a solo hobby or a group hobby. Realistically, its quite difficult to be a "minimalist" when camping in large groups (especially with kids). So, when people share a packing list that appears to include everything plus a kitchen sink, the term "glamper/glamping" gets thrown in their direction. Far from it!

Glamorous camping, aka "glamping" is more geared towards simultaneously satisfying your craving for the outdoors, your penchant for a good meal, a nice glass of wine, and a comfortable bed.... WAIT! That's me! ...except I do it in $50 tent, drink whatever is on sale, think "good" means not burnt, and an air mattress vs. hard ground is comfy. And jsyk...yes, I have some gadgets, tech devices, and often use real dinnerware... But, I've never been called a glamper. Except by a backpacker ;-)   And that's fine, because as a tenter, Rvers are my glampers. 

Anyways, I think we all know a true extreme glamper when we see one. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with it! I've seen lots and lots of people, spend lots and lots of money on hobbies that they didn't seem to get half the enjoyment from. So, you'll just have to deal with the fact that you got a plastic flashlight with low batteries... and they got a solar powered chandelier in their tent. Don't be a hater....they are still camping!

So whether your "car camping" trip leads to down a remote dirt road to the edge of a stream...or a paved parking lot where you unroll your awning and unpack your camp chair... or a half grassy/half shaded 70 ft. site with a fire pit, picnic table, water and electrical hook-ups, with a lake, beach, or swimming pool, and playground nearby.... ENJOY IT! ...and NEVER feel or make someone else feel that yours/their ideal version of being part of the great outdoors, is any more/less meaningful!

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